Löysin erään hauskan kirjoituksen!
Jenkkilästäpä tietenkin..
Ottakaa huumorilla.. I've been reading many posts arguing the merits of engaging in hostilities with Iraq. Forget Iraq! It's just a smokescreen for our most dangerous national enemy: Finland!
I believe we should invade Finland as soon as possible. The evil Finnish cartel, Nokia, has used its weapon of mass destruction - the cell phone - against us to cause death and mayhem that, while not as flamboyant as 9-11, is no less insidious. In just a few short years, these Finnish weapons are all over the nation, causing brain cancer and automobile accidents, helping the illegal drug trade to flourish in our schools, and, of course, becoming the number-one cause of rudeness in restaurants and movie theaters. Oh, sure, there are other companies making phones, but the vast majority are Finnish Nokia phones. And is it just a coincidence that the new Nokia phones have no pull-out antenna? Of course not - it helps ensure that the cellular death rays will pass right through the American user's skull. The dastardly fiends!
And don’t buy the argument that we should go to war in Iraq to have better access to oil. That’s not the resource we really want. The Finns are also harboring a vast resource that we truly need and can exploit - trees! Finland is one of the last remaining heavily forested nations in the hemisphere. Heck, we could probably use half that country's lumber just for the houses they plan to build here in the Denver area over the next couple of years, never mind the rest of the U.S. While we harvest their lumber, we can preserve our own forests. What’s more, we will create nice open space that the Finns can use for agriculture, ice rinks, or shopping malls (where they can sell Nokia phones to their own people).
Another important reason to invade is that the Finns are pagans who must be conquered and civilized – for their own good, of course. They are all alcoholics, and they have a grossly immoral mid-summer "festival" in which all the Finns build big bonfires, dance around naked before their false gods (I think one of them is named Nokia), then they all have sex with each other. In Helsinki (just a coincidence that it starts with "Hel"?), many of them climb a greasy pole during this festival, naked of course, then they all have sex with each other. If it wasn’t for their perverse habit of eating children, they would probably be the most populous country in Europe. We must put a stop to all of this.
Finally, Finns are a dour, unhappy lot who need our intervention to save them from their quasi-socialist government and bring happiness to their land. They need Happy Meals and sitcoms. It's our moral obligation as the world's only remaining super power.